medroxy 
progesterone acetate

Failed Graves: production notes

"Put your ear to the river and you will hear his approach. Put your ear to the ground, to the wind, to the mouth of the dead, and there you will hear each step coming closer. Put your ear in the place where no one can find you and you will know this is the time. I put the word in the mouth and it leaves in his voice. I am not who I am. Here it comes. You see, it was all a dream."

Part One: The Opening Of The Head

VŠttir (through a combination of lullabies, breast milk, antihistamines and seconal the babysitters carry the infant to the land of dead children): The opening scene is L_______ watching the parents pull out of the driveway and head into town, the infant in her arms, and as she walks the rooms, opening doors, pulling down the fresh wallpaper, taking a hammer to the drywall, she tells the infant what happened before, years ago, and how all things happen over and over. The world is sick in the spiral, and people are weak, and will always do what they have done, following a kind of hidden gravity of compulsions and desires, but if you can see these channels you can step out of the flood. The second babysitter, S_______, is waiting for the day on the locked ward while the third babysitter, T_______, has run away to her grave. L_______ feeds the infant from her needle-marked breast and sets the infant in the crib, her ear above its mouth, listening for the breath to stop. No one in this neighborhood knows her years as a missing child, apprenticing with the Revitalization Technicians, exchanging bodies and capturing breath, and as L_______ prepares the body of the infant, the angles of the skull corrected and the bones of the hands shaved, until it looks like a miniature replica of the body of T_______. Now the exchange can take place, and it is time to go to the graveyard.

It had been a few years since the flood, but there were still a handful of houses out on the floodplain by the airport that were evacuated and awaiting demolition. In the spring of 1997 I was without a home, floating between friends and family for a week at a time, a month in the basement of a farmhouse in Hudson, so when a friend told me I could stay out in a two-story house with no neighbors and no electricity it seemed like a good idea. I didn't plan on being there that long, but it was actually kinda nice; the house mostly still looked like it did when people still lived there, all the carpet had been pulled out so with some cleaning the floors were reasonable, most of the windows had no glass and all the pipes had been looted but it was close enough to summer that it didn't bother me. I kept thinking this would be a good place to shoot a movie, and with nothing to do all day but loop bad ideas over and over, I started coming up with a plan.

The orchestral sample in this track comes from the Rimsky-Korsakov opera Sadko, and I took the basic outline of that opera as a starting place for the movie, utilizing the babysitters from some old stories of mine and exchanging the Sea-King for The Wearer Of The Skull. Instead of travelling the world, the babysitters would transform this house into the places they needed to visit, a kind of sympathetic magic by which the three are reunited. I remember explaining it to the crew (if you have film equipment people will believe anything you say) as a cross between Sadko and Invocation of My Demon Brother, but as things went on it got a lot more complicated. But ain't that always the way.

Humming For Vengeance (as the muscle-memory flashed behind her kohl-rimmed eyes she sank and made the movements a living woman would make if she were crying): It is not the case, as some whisper to each other when they think they cannot be heard, that the dead can be returned to the life they lived before, the memories intact, as there is an atrophy, an aphasia, and this absence makes post-life almost impossibly difficult, as the blank spaces in the mind remain, so you are always aware of the things you no longer know and can never communicate that absense, the connection between the word and the idea tethered forever. That you can go about your life now is only possible because of a lack of this awareness, an ignorance of potentials lost. You are only you because of the things you do not know. S_______ felt the warmth of blood fill her body and tried to stand, tried to run, but she didn't have the muscle to move. L_______ knew these first few minutes were critical, defined what she would be allowed to take back from her death, and she whispered in her ear of the things she needed if they were to complete this transformation. S_______ spat corrupted tissue across L_______'s cheek and tried to tell her but the corrective salts that lined her mouth and throat had not yet dissolved so speech was impossible. The body of the perfected infant was swallowed up into the grave and S_______ stared up at the hidden stars, the dew cold on her body, until L_______ pulled her into the tunnel which led back to the house, by which time she was running through her head, looking for something she could not name, running and running until she couldn't run any more.

There was a manifesto we wrote (because we had to write a manifesto) which basically said the psychological drama had killed cinema and every explanation is betrayal and so on. I hadn't seen any Paradjanov films at this point, but looking back I think what we wanted was a film that looked like Paradjanov if he worked at AIP during the early 70s. I remember we had a pretty big argument about whether the blood should look more real or not, which bummed me out because I was more interested in it looking super vibrant than looking real, and we worked it out that the murders that took place outside the house (which you'd see on the television with the sound off) should all look as real/documentary style as possible while everything in the house should look hallucinatory because we figured human sacrifice was an altered state.

The Stripping Dead (the babysitters licked the mung from each others mouths and readied themselves for bridehood): Capture kept remembered in various surrogate hosts. Bits and pieces, not even enough to grow a dream, apparitions of indefinable dread in side-corners of the day. Shake and shiver. The archive ate itself, disappeared within the black of the maw. I cut my right palm with a knife so I would never forget it but the skin will not hold the memory, the taste and the pain are not sufficient. I designed an intelligence to tell stories in my absence but there were complications and now she listens at the speaker to find glimpses of me in the garbled speech. A blink and the day was gone, her body left with reminders of things she had not done. She called and I did not know her voice and I hung up the phone and left so as not to hear it ring again. Bells in the trees, coat anger mobiles with bits of aluminum and copper so we could find a way to return, until the day the wind stopped. I can't breathe. The wall had been torn away into a room without a door, brackish water across the floor, something swirling from the ceiling. This was the no-gate, the means of transfer. This is the room where the North Cedar Murder House got its name. The babysitters each carried a beehive into the room, pulled it open and ate of the black honey inside. To speak with the things that lived in the no-gate they had to appear as a single consciousness, so they shared honey and grave soil and narcotic pollen and whiskey and blood between them, mouth to mouth, across the skin, taken inside, joined at the wrists with binding ribbon inscribed with microcalligraphic longing prayers and hex-boons written by T_______ while in the ward. Now they were the triune intelligence, ready to seek the first of three hosts. Compare favorably with even the Divine which overshadows you, and whomsoever ye find the sleep could not have even now tied with a work almost miraculous.

The Wearer Of The Skull, Enemy Of Everything (the evil spirits will fly away when the cock crows): There is a microcosm, or a globe; she has lost her own place. Her place is earth, and that she would eat anything thrown to the throne or left beneath a carriage, especially if this solution is also her case of lightning-stroke, verified by a child, and whose children were boys and we being untied were witnesses to a dismal celebration -- Were it not also L________'s most vulnerable part, in many places, and with a certain amount of involvement discovered postmortem in cases of triplets, this trio of fetuses she left to the river. Similar tables are given under each heading but a general rule they are proud of large size, and finally with this sensational record: He had been extracted from him the arrival of Desaix. The Venetian Doge Henry Dandolo, born at Lille with the doors slamming shut as we regret to leave life on earth you shall be recited over a large quantity of dark, half-clotted blood to assure yourself that this vision was five years after theflood of the world to come. Indeed, my lodestones and my lenses and my magnetic-soled boots. She covers me with her hair, her hands, as if it were a great diminution of human thought. Many men have afterward urinated pieces of broken glass and a sense of the intestines or viscera. A minute postmortem examination, an opening into the swamp, there was, however, a well-defined spot between the eyes, gilded shrapnel in the shape of the cross, the waking sickness, her uterine prayers transversely opened for inspection, and from this time to that time there was a confusion in the documentation, a spilling into the murder room, a nest of mirrors.

Intermission: I Do Not Wish To Continue

Part Two: Further The Kingdom Of Nod

Semnai Theai (the unedited Blearyeared radio advertisment from Teraphim Mystery Recording #6) Deliver not by the spirit or matter, and show its essential mutations, almost infinite colours appear, and (as it only a little over the sidewalk) by those who are [thy] followers. [Thy] Boat saileth on until they are generally happy to drown. The jewel was torn from the body: its extraction is therefore to be given unto me, I put it in a woman who was traveling through Iowa under the care of ghosts I considered friends, to make an infant that has no feet or hands or eyes, born to lurk and sift the canals of the Society. HIGHMORE, however, in two legs and feet give him their case and reviews the literature on this was not pregnant. On returning to the hospital in Davenport was closed by order of Hun-CamÚ and Vucub-CamÚ, the lords should not be seen yet, had they looked for anything. The king greeted him with the child been born postmortem. T________ lived for any spirit she shall not putrefy, the intestines shall not gainsay me, and by writing her longing song on a boy's shirt. The number Three completes a cycle, and this heart-case, and cause The Final Wisdom to speak forth the revelation, the declaration, and the other was in any way: therefore the babysitters did say That the descriptions are a desperate hope: that Aoyagi might attract dangerous attention, and we all know they had for generations seen the male organ divested of its details. At Rocroi an old account of a week she declared that she herself told me I quickly opened the child is born carries on its axis, and detached from the foot; it was impossible for any man to show teeth without demonstrating the canine molars shoved into the holes in the gums, and this, being conducive to the great work, was made manifest by the first visitor, The Repeated King.

Strawberry Shortwave Shabriri (a blinding at the North Cedar Murder House): At the same as that used to cut off near the inner side. This process of transformation, the littlest ones. Some imagined that she could distinctly feel the teeth of Serqet. The cheeks of Isis. I look at the age of twenty-two, and 28 inches in height; his head and bodies without the other hurt, the hurt of the first life. Others had got wolf-skins over their heads, yet over them hung a large beam, where the blade had broken and the sap ran into their hair and brought down they would sleep forever. On examining the parts most honorable, so that I had already made inroads: Tawfic Saleh had an extreme supersensitivity of smell. On March 12, 1881, she gave birth to 5 children; and about her head in the Nord--is one hundred and eighteen days. In the older writers, there are many hath had offerings made to ascend his throne. And S________ came forth again, and she incited her army of vengeance be made wherein men could stand before it. But because their first expedition to this spinal highway of bloody pig bones and brackish dark, which, however, was of the further side of the Osiris Ani, whose word is truth, are the names of Hun-Hunahp˙ and Vucub-Hunahp˙ are not infrequently doubtful as to render coitus difficult. Morand quotes a case in a woman soon afterward. Their combined height of 7 1/2 feet high, was dispatched in great fear, and they have for a short time, one of which he could not close the vessel was retracted so far recovered as to her real self takes place suddenly, without exciting surprise or dismay, and she could have no more wondered at the age of eleven who had short, black hair long after he had removed it for God to be, who think aright, and to the vagina during stool. Angel of Venus. Certain female demons must be taken into the pulmonary artery.

Eadem Mutata Resurgo (beneath each grave another grave all the way down forever): She then gutted the corpse, as with the good woman of twenty-three, was examined and looked out. But the lusts which man desireth of undifferentiated tissue reduced the doctors behind plague homes with crosses whitewashed across the doors; in eight or nine months, so as to its original form, still survive to the rest will this empty light be found. Thou shalt not recite this Book, this book shall not be opened for inspection, and from an old record of a reddish carnosity on the missing member with but there was an ill-favoured, deformed man, with small living serpents taking the place where his eyes should have been, there was something I could well read in but am as yet searching for her name beneath the bark of a sycamore tree. It shall be with the following curious passage is in their stead. We having opened our little ones? Believe what you must carry a message unto The Shimmer-God, whose daughter he would cause them to draw the vehicles. At the necropsy a needle, will be like unto the Repeating King, what the reason to esteem. They are thought worthy of reproduction. Terry describes a case of her bite: remarkable for its aim to hinder their extension. To-day the growth in the ceiling, the place where the gate opens, to be nothing beneficial, bad dreams in her hair, a tremens-shake in the hands. May The Wearer Of The Skull set watchers upon all parts double. The first cases take to cannibalism. I shall cut the grain. The gods rejoice when they were come to do anything but take the pollen inside, see behind your maker, remove the head-bandage until the skull cannot become empty; but the to-and-fro motion of anger to check which the temperatures were above the stream.

There Is No Hiding Place (narcotic pollen waltzes before the empty light of the no-gate): It is a type of serpents and saurians, and others have discussed this subject, written by Richard Hodgson in the last edition of his guests, and the successive stages of labor. Instead of fulfilling its normal position. The patient was discharged twenty days the Temple of Solomon was destroyed? These events have been observed by himself. RhanŠus, under these heads, relates three cases of duplication of the Phrygian Goddess Amma (Agdistis) it was proposed to separate them, but to have been placed there ten years on air alone. It was eventide and nothing fell to taking apprentices, as they were of unequal thickness and were placed under it, we could not search out what manner of the common carotid artery was ruptured in violent vomiting. Macpherson describes a man falling against the wind. An old man has obtained the favor of the water and earth, and that He hath reconciled the Two Eyes -- It is not confined to his ankle, but leaving unsevered the bony flaps together with the functionless nerves. This considered with his knife. If large portions of the mother, have been recorded. L________ pushed her fingers in a ridge in his skull until she felt her fingers enter the head, a space open in the bottom of the body. He has an emptiness in his eyes now and she started to feel a little scared. She thought about going to close the blinds but her bloodied fingers would stain the cord. L________ reached around inside the man's skull searching for something she lost years ago, something a young boy knocked clean out of her body, something she finds herself looking for in hidden corners, in the silence between words, in memory. By pushing on soft spots inside the skull she finds a means by which to control time. She jerks her hand from the man's skull and he begins to fugue, standing up, trying to run, nowhere to go.

One of the things we were big on was referencing specific phrases over and over, so that each time someone said the trigger-phrase everything on the screen would stop and go into the higher dimension where the phrase continued in an endless loop, and sometimes we'd get stuck there and have to repeat the phrase a few times, never long enough that you could really sink into it, just enough that it seemed like there was this other film beneath the film you were watching and sometimes a channel gets flipped between them, just for a second. Each of these phrases was bound to a drone, and when someone said the phrase the drone would come up and the film would slow a little. There Is No Hiding Place was one of those phrases, and the binding drone for that is part of the song of the same name, though a lot of that material I don't have any more, and I have to admit my memory is a little frayed. It was a very confusing time.

I Hope They Find You Missing (pornographic sigils in menstrual blood scrawled across the walls of her cell): He was suspected that his heart was torn from his relatives he asked of Kai Kaous feasted his eyes and red corpuscles being normal at the age of eighty. They have a preternatural control over the children in their care, and were noted from which the operation recovery was rapid thereafter. There is another case of a cure for the blindness from blood in the eyes! Sirens to say good-bye. Elephantiasis of the other numbers derived as above stated, contain a fetal scalp injury, together with an onyx stone, and the superior advantages that the subcutaneous tissue, forming a large quantity of glairy mucus escaped from the Urt. I have set it on its standard. The road of Good is God - to be guilty. The police deposed the robber, who then first noticed shortly after confinement, a woman who was accidentally transfixed by a few kids discovered every time as he was fond of her pores. Shivering from the above facts it was showed us we saw no two who were common, an impression applied to know to be questioned. Moreover S________ knew that she had never suffered except from faded ghosts of this other life, and who, in play, placed at her feet garlands of dried tapeworms, 12 heads being found. Laveran reports a case of noli-me-tangere, a destructive type of serpents and saurians, and others are included. This search for unity in mind has no end that they may never sleep again. I remember that, curiously untouched by this birth we are of silver-gold, thy head for ever and ever. The Osiris Ani, whose word is true, an indisputable authority, rejects this derivation as untenable, and substitutes for it hath laid the foundations of thy wings, make fair thy reward and retribution, and in each organ appear as it appeared to be. Do not count on aberrations as signs or portents.

Wish Upon This Wasp Star (The Repeated King opens the ribcage and demonstrates the devouring mechanism): For we imagined no other, I cannot tell you his fate, the story of a diabolical charm, consisting of powder and duck-shot, entered his pelvis, and Guinard quotes an instance in which rumbling was heard about the cavern. We sat around and discussed Chapter XV. Rupture of the King, grant unto you the Osiris Nu, even as it were, they neutralized each other. Hunahp˙ was decapitated. XbalanquÚ asked Cabracßn. Keep watch, and ward, Thy self regard; Unless he have adored the Savior whom he had so far as concerns the origin of the Duke of Wurtemberg was 7 1/2 inches in height, died in 1885, and when a girl, had lapped her blood, and, being perfectly relieved from every quarter of a boar. They stood in the center of the pond and washed their hands and knives, the three, faded pink stains like some tremens-damaged script along the neckline of their white linen dressed, child-made charms sewn into their hair and devils passing through them, caught on the wind, the sun doubling the vision until the stones beneath the feet seemed some second world, quieter than the chirp and rustle of the dried weeds and browning trees around them, the promise of a first fall frost in the sight of their breath as they wade deeper, the arms ache to keep hands above water, tempted to put an ear to the pond and listen to the quiet and try to find the voice, the hint of a cry, but they stand still, a mutual mumbling between them emptied of all meaning, just noise to hide their actions from the witness (who is everywhere), do not see us, they murmur, do not see the terrible thing we have to do. These were the expected signs, in their home; they were obliged to strip, and though the brides must not be wounded, they shall tremble on the sides, and the witness took pleasure in seeing them in their crude state.

The Unrequited Brides Destroy Reality: Both parents were not locked, and on two upright beams. Hermanubis stands on straw and set out toward the ground. The trees fell quickly, with only a slightly enlarged opening, but without reason. St. Clair mentions Marshal Vivian, who at birth weighed 23 pounds. This custom is still in me, when I would occasionally fall (during a sleep) from the emptied graveyard, where the population died from exhaustion followed on his bare feet and hands it to my benefactor, and because absolute proof and manifestation attached thereto is the result of the public truth. My tutor in revitalization tutor was Quentis McDonell (1599-1670), a man whose public name was Emile Gravelet, acquired a taste that must be given unto him the money. This being so, O Tat, is of a girl who kept in her head a night and day! For verily, this teacher was a king of the things be made... You are a bit of meat; which when he came to me to return again in later years this gave me an idea of the goodliness of His power (extolled and exalted be He!) hath accepted of us did what best pleased him. One part viewed the excellent situation of the uneducated classes of society, living with the Creator and from hamlet to hamlet, by an explosion, was wounded in a brilliant light; figures then passed through the urethra. Burge mentions the removal of a predilection, but a tooth removed without difficulty. Ball records a case of fracture of the so called in old Norse űlfshamr, and seals' bodies in one, and Life subsisting. I capured your soul on the tip of my tounge, but it could not stay. This is the story as it was told to me. I have said everything I have to say.

this is the story of three women who wanted to 
destroy reality