medroxy 
progesterone acetate

The Babyslitters Club: an abbreviated history of Blearyeared

1993, and I had just been thrown out of college for the first time. I spent my days asleep and my nights wandering around the neighborhood. After a little while, I started to go a little mad, and started working on what I thought would be a certain success -- a series of young adult books based on a coven of infanticide-obsessed babysitters attempting to lure a hidden intelligence back to the earth and become his undying brides. I figured gothy teenage girls were a big market, and Scholastic Books would be delighted to have in inroad to this demographic. I wrote three long stories titled Garbage Sack Fetus Blues, The Electric Teenage Lemon Squeezers and The Babyslitters Club (they were novels perhaps in the sense of Ballard's "compressed novels" in The Atrocity Exhibition, but certainly not in the general sense) explaining the history and antics of these three girls who sidestepped regular high school peer interests through necromancy, hypnosis and dissociative abuse. I actually sent these to a couple publishers, expecting they would be delighted with the potential profits and wouldn't that show those screws at the University of Iowa. The replies I got back were less than encouraging, however, and by this time I had slid into a severe depression and destroyed these (and many other) stories so they would not be found after my death.

1997, and I had been thrown out of college again, and as I am a creature of habit I started thinking about those three strange girls again. At the time I was a member of the band BFP, and a friend of ours had come into some film equipment, so we decided we'd make a musical based around the earlier idea. This film would be called Blearyeared, which we based (very) roughly on the Rimsky-Korsakov opera Sadko (and the Russian film of the same name), and since we were arty types we wouldn't worry too much about anything as bourgeois as a script. The first problem was finding actors, but we were lucky in that we had our three babysitters in friends of ours from The Mustang, a Bosnian bar down by the Cedar River. These three women are now wives and mothers and have asked that I not include their names in this article. I should also say, in the interest of full disclosure, that we were perhaps overambitious in describing our project to other participants, leading them to believe this was going to be a "real" film like you would go see in a theater and not a questionable bit of amateur pornography by a gang of degenerates. The film was a further compression of the earlier stories into one night, New Year's Eve 1999, when the three babysitters transformed a suburban home into a "dream-locus" for summoning an entity known as The Wearer Of The Skull. This meant that the majority of the film could be shot in a single location, in an abandoned house out by the airport in North Cedar. We shot the resurrection scenes at a cemetery outside of Charles City where a gated tunnel led to an octagon-shaped house. After three weeks of shooting the project disintegrated when a series of physical and emotional breakdowns provoked by long hours, cold weather, ketamine and pcp use, no stunt doubles, psychological abuse and whiskey mysticism. I have no idea where most of this footage is now, having only a vhs workprint of some of the earlier scenes and part of the "script". BFP performed some of the musical material in 1998 under the somewhat misleading title Terror In The Stars shortly before we broke up.

2004 and, like clockwork, I got sick with bad ideas again. I collected as much of the general Blearyeared material as I could find and started rebuilding the audio portion from degraded tapes, homemade circuits and damaged instruments. I worked on this a little at a time over the next four years, as I could only take so much before I had to switch over to some other project, and eventually completed this album in its current form. For best results, reduce external stimuli to all non-auditory senses. Thank you and good night.

this is the story of three women who wanted to 
destroy reality